Desire to feel Safe

I have decided to redo SA’s room. Tear up the carpet, which is gross. Remove the wall paper, put down a fake wood floor and paint. Maybe by redoing it I will start to wrap my brain around the concept that I am safe and he isn’t coming home. Tho until I find a long term (he turns 18 in 9 months) placement, I will continue to have the fear in the back of my mind that someone sitting at a desk down in Oklahoma City, making minimum wage, will make the bizarre decision once again to send him home. Last time it was “he hasn’t threatened to kill his mom in 3 weeks; it is time to send him home.” So, am I the only person that doesn’t make sense to? At the moment he is still VERY verbal that he wants to kill both Patty and myself. I think the hospital got a good look at his violent nature the other night. He went into a rage, threw chairs, kicked his shoes so hard they were embedded in the ceiling, and had to be placed in locked isolation. Tho before they got him in there, he preceded to tell the staff exactly what he planned to do to them when he got out. They always seem to believe me a tad bit better after they get a up close and personal demonstration of his violent rages. I go to family therapy tomorrow, should be interesting. Dennis is going with me. I feel safer that way.